Alice
by Emily in Neverland
Summary: Follow Alice Liddell in a journey through her demented Wonderland to try and regain her sanity.
1. Through the Looking Glass

xSmoke and Firex

*Chapter One: Through the Looking Glass*

 _The library was quiet, the house seemed to slumber in itself. Nothing stirred. A shadow drifted across the silent library, poking about things when the sound of something falling caused it to freeze. Nestled in an armchair peacefully sleeping was a small girl. Her dark hair spilled over the arm of the chair and her arms wrapped around a small stuffed rabbit. At the foot of the chair was a book that had fallen from her reach as she slept. On the back of the chair peering at the shadow was a black cat. The shadow crept close to the small girl, pushing stray locks of hair out of the girls face. Very carefully, strong arms picked up the small child, careful to include the toy rabbit, The cats ears drew back and it's tail flicked but as the child was carried away the cat got up, stretching and hopping lightly off the armchair to follow its little mistress._

 _The girl was brought to her room and tucked gently into her bed. Her white rabbit tucked in beside her, which the girl immediately reached for and hugged tightly. The black cat hopped onto the girl's play chest and over the foot of the bed to rest daintily by her head. The shadow left the room shutting the door behind him._

 _The noise stirred the girl from her sleep, she sat up looking about in the darkness. Her father must have carried her to bed, she thought. Beside her sat her cat, Dinah. She thought it was odd her father hadn't brought the lantern with him but she supposed it was due to him carrying his daughter and having no hands for the lantern._

 _Clutching her rabbit she drew back her covers and nimbly tip-toed to the door. If Father found her awake and out of bed he'd be a bit cross. If her sister Elizabeth stumbled across her, she'd be back to bed without her night-light, and who knew what dreadful things could lay in the shadows. The girl crept down the stairs, sitting on a table sat her lantern, she saw her book sitting on the floor and picked it up. It was her favorite book. 'Peter and Wendy.' It was this book that caused her to create her own little world. Wonderland it was called. She took her book and the lantern then retreated back upstairs and into her room. She got back into her bed and held her rabbit and her book. Dinah jumped off her bed and trotted somewhere else, perhaps out of the room to see if any mice were about._

Alice woke, this time it was to see her White Rabbit grab his little hat and gloves, check his pocket watch and disappear through Alice's looking glass that sat on her vanity. Alice gave a large grin and threw off her covers and ran to her mirror. She had a short thought about whether her night clothes were acceptable for Wonderland. She turned and threw open her play chest. Her mother had insisted it should stay in the nursery but because these excursions to Wonderland became so frequent Alice insisted in must stay in her room so she'd always have appropriate clothing for any occasion that should arise.

She grabbed a lovely yellow tartan dress and white apron and quickly changed taking care to remember her stockings and shoes. She hated running about outside without her shoes. Then she took particular care to brush her hair and smooth it out with a little green ribbon that complemented her eyes before testing to see if the mirror would still let her through.

The mirror being a small vanity one and not a full body mirror meant Alice had to crawl through it, Not that she particularly minded, she'd gone through a rabbit hole on her hands and knees and scuffed up the knees of her stockings, making Nanny rather cross with her. The mirror walls were fairly smooth, as one would assume a mirror should be like, and let out to a large glass room.

"I should be very careful in here." Alice said to herself out loud. "I shan't want to break it." The glass was too cloudy for her to see out of but not reflective enough for her to see herself. Now that she was in, she wondered on how she should get out. She walked about the walls and finding no weak spots she looked up. A light poured in from the lip of a bottle.

"Oh! I'm in a bottle! I must be a very small size!" Alice exclaimed "But how shall I get out?" She went to sit down but stood back up and turned to see a large glass box with cookies. The box opened and Alice couldn't resist eating one. After all, they did say 'Eat me.'

Once Alice took a bite she instantly regretted it. The cookie was dry and stale. Not nearly as delectable as they looked. She put it down and wiped her hands of the crumbs with her nose upturned as if to say 'I'm rather done with your nonsense.' All at once she felt odd, and it wasn't long before she began to grow larger and larger until she filled the entire bottle. But she didn't stop growing, she grew and grew until the glass shattered and she kept growing until she was as big as the teapot she sat beside.

"Alice! What ARE you doing popping up in the middle of our tea party?" The Mad Hatter exclaimed holding a tea cup. Alice had grown right in the middle of a elegantly decked out table filled with pastries, cakes, pies and teas of all sorts. The only occupants were the Hatter and his two beloved companions the March Hare and the Dormouse.

"Oh! I'm sorry Hatter!" Alice stood and curtsied. "I didn't mean to, I just arrived you see and I never am sure where I'll arrive!"

"Or when it seems!" He retorted.

"Well you'll never get anywhere being THAT size!" The March hare observed.

"I suppose I could be a little larger…" Alice said looking down at herself. "Perhaps if I eat something, I'll grow a little larger."

"Well you're certainly in luck!" The Hatter laughed. "We've been eating for hours!" Alice laughed and scooped to a lovely slice of strawberry cake and took a large bite and hopped to the chair right beside it. She grew to an appropriate size for a girl her age.

"Now Alice, have you given thought to my riddle?" The Hatter asked.

"Yes! I think it's a person." Alice said very confidently.

"You think or you know?" The March hare asked condescendingly "You should say what you mean."

"I do. At least… I mean what I say." Alice said trying to out reason the madness.

"I've got another one." Hatter interrupted "How is A Raven like A Writing Desk?" Alice thought about this new riddle. What could possibly connect the two? Her nose began to prickle with the smell of something odd. It smelled terrible and she started to cough. Then her eyes opened to the screaming of the panicked tea party where in the center of the table a large fire had broken out. Hatter was screaming.

"Fire! Oh Dear Oh Dear!" He yelled

"You must save Alice!" The White Rabbit yelled from somewhere as Alice recoiled as the fire began to grow.

"Wake up! Alice! Wake Up!" The Hatter yelled and the March Hare threw a tea cup at her.


	2. The Fire

xSmoke and Firex

*Chapter Two: The Fire*

 _Alice bolted upright in her bed. It had all been a dream. What a strange premonition. She swore she could still smell the nasty fire from her dreams. The small girl pushed off her blankets as her room was getting insufferably hot. As she pushed her blankets to the bottom of her bed she noticed the lights dancing behind her door. Were Mother and Father up already? Outside the window was a dark night sky, the sun didn't seem to have any intention of getting up anytime soon either._

 _Her curiosity got the better of her and Alice jumped from her bed and pulled on her door to throw it open but to her surprise, it was locked. Had she locked it? Still holding on to her White Rabbit she ran to her vanity and into her little music box. Alice liked to lock her door when she was angry with her family, Her mother said she could as long as she kept one key in her room and another with the other family house keys. In case of emergency. She took her key and rushed to her door and unlocked it and threw it open leaving the key in the door._

 _The girls face turned from excited to a contorted horror as the flames outside her door beckoned to her._

" _Mum! Papa!" She yelled out "Lizzie!?" The girl was scared and felt rather helplessly. Hoping someone within her family would save her._

" _Alice!" Her parents screamed back. Alice skirted around the flames and tried to make her way to her parent's room._

" _Mum! Father?" She yelled back. She just wanted to hear their voices. Reassure herself it was okay._

" _Get Out Alice!' Her mother yelled at her "Save yourself!"_

" _Get out of the house!" Her father yelled. Alice could go no further and the heat was beginning to hurt her. She turned and ran back into her room. The flames were just licking at her doorframe burning her as she passed through it. Her cat Dinah was meowing loudly and pawing frantically at the window. Alice ran at the window, she could climb down from there! Her sister Lizzie had told her so! She pushed open the window and the fire angrily roared behind her searing her back and her legs. But Dinah leapt out the window and Alice followed the snowy, winter air felt cool and nice on her burns. She grabbed the tree that used to tap her window at night and scare her. Papa had trimmed it so it didn't do that anymore but Alice now wished she'd never said anything about it. Alice leaned as far toward the branches as she could. The flames leaking out of the window threateningly.. Alice leaned as far as she could, her wounds singing to her in pain. She then slid and fell all the way from her second story window to the cold winter ground below._

 _Everything was fuzzy then. She hit the snow so hard she could feel the pain but it was very far away. She could hear the screaming of her parents and though her mind was hazy and disoriented she still shook as she had no choice but to listen to the sounds of her family's deaths. Then the house gave a tremendous shudder and shout and the roof fell in and everything was then silent._

 _Alice lay looking at her home. Still clinging to her rabbit. The ash fell like snow and cinders flew. Some landing on her, Though the pain was too far away for her brain to realize it hurt. More lights began to arrive and voices with them but Alice could only hold her rabbit and watch the snow falling from the grey skies. Her head fell to the side as boots began running around her and shadows loomed over her._

 _It was then she saw it, tall and ominous._

 _A shadowed figure of a centaur._


	3. The Curious Case of Alice Liddell One

xThe Curious Case of Alice Liddellx

*Taken from the memoirs of the esteemed Doctor Heironymous Q. Wilson,*

Alice Liddell was a solitary and independent child. Her sister Lizzie was almost ten years older than she and much too old for a playmate. Though by all accounts they seemed to be loving siblings with the fights that come with being siblings but never did they fight for long. Mr. and Mrs. Liddell were loving parents, the two never fought and supported the growth of their children. Arthur Liddell a prominent dean at Oxford University, had many students and graduates come round quite often and the children were always well behaved.

The family was quite wealthy, Alice stood to inherit quite a sum. (More on that later.) Whatever the girls asked, they were granted. With an impressively sized library the girls were well read, well educated and very intelligent. Nan Sharpe, a nanny in the employ of the Liddells, was quite sure of the youngest daughter's imagination that perhaps she could be the most amazing author if ever she took to writing.

From everything I can gather, the family was quite normal. Abnormal even, in the fact that the family was so well rounded. Perhaps there was simply no time for the family to become dysfunctional.

Alice frequented this 'Wonderland' even before the fire. Though the family thought it would pass, I don't think this fantasy ever will. I'm told there were many notebooks and drawings of the characters and adventures she had but the fire must have destroyed them. It's not too much of a tragedy as I've found the girl responds well to drawing utensils and I quite enjoy her sketches as she seems to relive these adventures. I'll touch more on this 'Wonderland' later.

Alice's parents and sister Elizabeth, were killed in the fire that destroyed their charming house and everything in and around it. Alice was found just a small ways from the house, or more aptly, the ruins of a house. It was speculated that she had leapt from the second story. The fire was quite a mystery for years but the lawyer of the case, a man by the name of Radcliffe, deemed it misadventure. Caused by the housecat who knocked a lamp over in the library. Which being such a firetrap with all the photography, paper and books lit up in seconds. Alice was the only one who made it out, Elizabeth never even unlocked her door, died from the smoke. The luckiest of them all I'd say, as she died peacefully in her sleep and never had to wonder what would become of her or ruminate on the death of her family. The matriarch of the family was found in the hall, on her way to the girls' rooms. Trying like a true mother to save her beloved daughters. The father in the doorway of the room. Crushed by the doorframe. Mrs. Liddell gone by severe burning.

Alice was never made aware of this. I feared it would send the girl spiraling down back to her silent madness and have taken the liberty of informing Radcliffe, Nan Sharpe, Nurse Witless and her former doctor Bumby that she shouldn't be informed of too many details of the family's deaths.

When Alice was first brought to Littlemore infirmary her skin was non-existent. Every inch of her body wrapped in bandaging including her eyes rendering her blind. Her family's bodies were preserving and coffins were measured for all four members and I hadn't been made aware of her as of that time. The madness the girl faced probably came from this period. Where nurses and doctors alike were 'hmm'-ing and 'hah'-ing at the girl who more resembled a mummy than a child. All professionals sighing and lamenting her imminent death.

But the girl did heal. She healed very well for her injuries, the only terrible scarring appeared on her back and legs. The girl from that point on always wore stockings, ashamed of the scars I'd imagine. Never seen without them, even wearing them in bed and sleeping in them. Poor thing. The girl healed well despite the scarring and terrible outlook. Eventually the bandages came off and her sight returned to her as she was rehabilitated and had to be taught to walk and move again. Not once did she speak during this time and she wasn't moving on her own. She had to be prompted and pushed. Moved much like a puppet by the impatient nurses who were intolerant of the girl.

I can't professionally say it was good for the girl's already fragile psyche. Not once had she spoken during her rehabilitation and if she was left be she wouldn't move sometimes going without even blinking. It was eerie, and the physicians found her unsettling. It was then that the girl was brought to the attention of the superintendent of Rutledge Asylum. The doctors at Littlemore couldn't keep the practically comatose girl forever, and having no relatives she couldn't be taken in by anyone though Nan Sharpe was open to taking the girl in but couldn't handle the girl's mental state. So she was brought to Rutledge and into my care. I wasn't sure what made the superintendent decide the girl should come to my care but it was decided. It was then I was introduced to the girl for the first time.

The girl was silent, nothing I could do would make her react. Believe that I tried! I discovered the girl loved preening in the mirror so I took my nurse, a shrewd woman named Priscilla WItless, and had her take scissors and cut her hair. It had no effect but I sometimes believe that there had been a small flash of something like emotion that came through her eyes. Perhaps not. I can't remember anymore.

Nurse Witless had accidentally found the girl's weakness, Her rabbit. Well. It was a rabbit at one point in time. Having been loved and played with for so long that it was quite well worn and rubbed through. Eyes almost fallen off, I wasn't cruel enough to mutilate the doll for fear of what it might do to the girl. I would cut her hair, as it would grow back. Starve her, as she willingly would take IV. Bind her, as she wouldn't move anyway. Isolate her, as she wished it. The doll, if destroyed, would never be replaced and it very could spin her madness out of control. Even to this day as Alice is now a fully grown woman, she could be broken instantly by the decimation of her rabbit. Best to keep it close to her heart, as I've advised her.

Nurse Witless found the weakness by attempting to take the rabbit from the girl forcibly. Not only did she keep hold on it, but screamed and screeched in rage when Witless managed to rip it from her grip. Not only that but the girl launched herself at Nurse Cratchet scratching her face. The girl was deemed a danger to others and soon herself as she was found ripping into her own wrists with her nails. This followed the electroshock therapy, and it wasn't attempted again as I felt this therapy may have caused the violence. I felt perhaps bloodletting would be ineffective but I found the nurses have done so despite what I felt was necessary. Lobotomy would certainly have done only more harm for what damage she already had and made it very clear that under no circumstances should Alice be lobotomized. I had to enforce this through the superintendent after I found Nurse Cratchet attempting to wheel Alice in regardless.

Nurse Cratchet was taken off Alice's case then, not dismissed which I disapproved of but she was off my most important case which was what mattered. Nurse Witless was made Alice's primary nurse which meant that the two would get to know each other quite well.

I know now that some of the mixtures I'd given to Alice were much more harmful than we had originally assumed. Things like Mercury and Radium. Though Radium was never administered to Alice, Mercury was considered but pardoned for much more temperamental remedies. I have quite a lot of respect for Alice's will, she survived what many in her position would not have. I've seen patients who've lost their families kill themselves. Poisons that Alice survived, lay waste to others. Fire that left many as ash, abuse that would have decimated others. The girl has a fire of her own that seems impossible to extinguish.

I pity the doctor who took such a deep interest in her. She possessed him in a sort of way. A way she never did for me, why she picked this man over me, the nurses or the nephews of the superintendent I shall never know. He spent as much time with her as he could, I had warned him to not obsess over patient's care. As eager as I was to see young Alice cured I wasn't foolish enough to let it consume me in the way he did.. He had said something that puzzled me, it still does. Perhaps he had gained young Alice's trust and she spoke to him. If she had trusted him, she never mentioned his disappearance, perhaps she already knew.

THe young doctor one day in the midst of his duties ran into me during mine. We chatted for a moment about Alice. Being it was all the madman wanted to talk about. Not unlike how Alice would come to demand details about the fire. I digress. He looked at me with a puzzled look and said;

"The Red Queen wills it."

The Red Queen I've come to find is Alice's Wonderland interpretation of her sister, Elizabeth. Before the fire this monarch was referred to only as 'The Queen of Hearts' which is understandable as Elizabeth was a kind and gentle woman but could turn it around and demand blood. What changed Alice's adoration for her sister is still a mystery to me. At the time I didn't know the change from Queen of Hearts, to Red Queen. The doctor after saying this oddly puzzling statement left and I only saw him again for the last time as he was reduced to the same madness as Alice. Screaming incoherently and smashing everything in sight until he was unfortunately killed in a particularly disturbing way with surgery tools.

It was after this that it was brought to my attention that a Doctor Bumby was visiting Alice. He claimed to have been particularly close to the Liddell family. He seemed very genuinely concerned for Alice. He was one of few, between him, Sharpe and Radcliffe. Alice had no other visitors.

Sharpe would take her out to the gardens in good weather. She would stand amidst the roses, staring off into the distance. She would stand for hours without tiring. There was nothing could be done for her. Some days I felt it would be a lost cause and nearly give up.

Just when I felt she couldn't be saved, she gave me a sign. She drew the strangest drawing of a cat I'd ever seen. Yet it was a sign! An attempt at communication. It was then I ordered that drawing implements always be present at the girl's side.

Once the strangest thing happened. A nurse took it upon herself to stitch the fallen eye back on the rabbit. This small act of kindness? Caused the girl to sob uncontrollably, she was inconsolable until the nurse cut the eye back into it's state of disrepair. Though it was beyond my comprehension. It brought new hope as now we knew this girl COULD speak. Her vocal chords weren't damaged, she wasn't mute. Just… silent.

Her drawings became more frequent as I saw what looked at first to be hell but soon came to the realization she was drawing Wonderland. Her Wonderland looked to be more fuel of nightmares than a child's retreat.

Her Wonderland was her only escape from the world. She could be completely lucid and responsive while her mind was gone to this sanctuary. I don't know everything about this strange place. Just things I've gathered from watching Alice and our rare conversations. The first that Wonderland could only be found by following the white rabbit. The white rabbit I assume would be her stuffed animal that never left her side. She always started her adventures with the rabbit leading her to strange places, like down holes and through mirrors. The adventures all seemed to revolve around finding her rabbit. How strange her mind must be! Her eyes glaze over as if she's truly not among us anymore, and she goes quiet. Every second of time spent with her in the asylum she had this look. Blank with eyes that were staring into oblivion. Wide eyes, that saw nothing.

Alice began chittering incoherently to her rabbit, at first I took this as a sign of deepening madness but I came slowly to the conclusion this was perhaps the reverse. That she was getting better and becoming aware of the world around her. I notice this after she began sketching her 'Wonderland' with real elements of the world she was in. The sketches of the gardens that were large, discolored and menacing but they were the Asylum's gardens. Long halls and dim rooms, all from real places she had been. Perhaps the most disturbing was the picture I still have of the burning house with three silhouettes in the center. She was acutely aware of her family's demise and her survival. Perhaps the girl suffers from a severe form of Survivor's Guilt. Perhaps it was trauma that confused her brain.

Though to be honest, if every moment of your life was plagued by the screaming of your family as they died, with nothing to stop it I suppose you'd be quite mad as well.

The superintendent's orderlie learned some very important life lessons from Alice. The misbegotten boys like to torment the poor girl. Probably setting back quite a bit of progress. At one point they were fed up with having to hold the girl's jaw open to feed her they stopped in favor of the willing stuffed rabbit. I don't have to tell you that Alice didn't take kindly to this. She crept out of her bed while they had their backs to her. Walking calmly to directly behind them The older of the two turned and screamed first having seen what I can only imagine would have absolutely terrifying. Seeing Alice in bed would be nothing compared to her emaciated form, ashen ghost like skin and burning, empty eyes, standing maliciously right behind them. The younger turned with spoon in hand which Alice wrenched from his grip and pinned him down using the dull spoon to carve the boys face quite well, before she seemed to hear the doctors coming and attempted to slice through her veins and arteries and bleed to death.

Luckily we got there before she did. I expected the boys to leave poor Alice alone out of fear.

I took her rabbit once. To see what would happen. She screamed, without pause, until returned. The girl has lungs of iron. Her madness was gaining clarity, noted by not having to hold her jaws open to feed her as she became willing. Her words were more pronounced and louder. They made no sense, but the world around her was beginning to permeate the haven of Wonderland. Perhaps she'll soon return to us.

The good nurse gave a me a good earful after a while. Sternly sitting across from me glaring me down as she fixed up the girl's rabbit and tucked it in with her. The nurse knew what she was doing though! As Alice responded with a small smile and held the doll tight and sketched out a drawing of the rabbit which she worked on for two days before gifting it to the nurse.

Over the years Alice has said the most interesting of things to me over the years, not that any of it has made sense. Happily she began to confide in me, rambling on about her Wonderland. It made me a little happy though it didn't make sense. I dozed off for a moment and woke to her tugging my wrist watch impatiently to show her grisly scene of chess pieces mutilating each other. It was a rather disturbing awakening to be sure. Yet the first sign of the child, being a child. I took her pencils and paper and she began to entice me. Making rhymes and poems of things that didn't exist, when I asked about them she would strike deals, she'd tell me, and show me, if her drawing implements were returned. Such an intelligent child. She certainly could have done very well academically had the tragedy not occurred.

Once we gave her the chance to have teatime like a civilized human being. She refused, hurling the pot across the room screaming that she'd only take tea with friends. I foolishly mistaken that she considered us friends. Silly me.

At this time the girl had two moods. Depression and rage. Going from staring despondently to fits of violent anger where she would throw things and scream obscenities to the Red Queen. We've spoken about the Red Queen quite a bit, but she's never dared draw the woman but I feel perhaps the broken bond between her and her sister was too much for the girl to come to terms with just yet. Or perhaps the two had more difficulties than we knew.

Alice had two sides, the side we saw in the real world. The calm, reserved and passive girl and the violent, aggressive and courageous girl of her Wonderland. There seemingly is no relation whatsoever but occasionally this other girl makes herself known.

At the end of her days at the asylum, I gave up hope on Alice. Simply because she had her will. She did nothing that she didn't want to. If she willed herself to draw, she would, if she willed herself to talk, she would. Nothing I asked, commanded, enquired for would be done. I tried to make deals with the girl but she refused my terms, making deals on her own terms regardless of what I wanted. I had become so very entranced with Wonderland, Waiting for the thrilling end to the tales and war for the land between Alice and her Red Queen.


	4. Down The Rabbit Hole

XSmoke and FireX

*Down the Rabbit Hole*

Screaming. Screaming was all Alice heard for days. The darkness was all she saw, though she heard. It made sense to her. She had died. The fire took her life as well as the lives of her family. Why she couldn't see or hear them she didn't know. They should be dead just like her. Perhaps she was being punished for her cowardice. She sat, meditating on this. Almost for a full year, locking herself as far away from the world as she could. Hiding from it. Something in her was shattered, and she was left staring into the broken mirror.

Then came the light. It was something that should have been so refreshing, so wonderful. But it was horrifying. As the bandages came off and Alice saw for the first time. She stared up at the fluorescent lighting and her chest felt empty, and she knew for the first time that she wasn't dead. She was alive. She was, her family wasn't. She had made it. This ripped the girl apart. Her mind tearing itself to shreds as nothing broke through the darkness. The darkness was nothing but the wall between reality and her mind, as her mind became nothing but a repeated reel of the death. Words became twisted, and she could hear her parents screaming for her to save them. OVer. Over. Over. The unending torture of the screams. Endless screams! There were days she could do nothing but scream herself trying to silence them. But they wouldn't be silenced. They grew louder. She listened as they bounced about in her head just when she felt she couldn't stand them any longer they… silenced.

There was nothing. No sounds, not the sound of her mind, but people seemed to have no sound either. Watching the people move their mouths but no sound came from them. It was a curious sight to be sure. More than a little unsettling as even if Alice wanted to know what they were talking about she couldn't hear them. It felt like time was rushing past her at alarming speeds as new days and nights came and went quickly. Though they began slowing down and the world was coming back to perspective. But only just barely. Scenes that were hazy and distorted. Were they Wonderland or perhaps the asylum? She couldn't tell. The only thing that wove its way between the lines of Wonderland was the White Rabbit. It was always at her side in the darkness no matter what fuzzy scenery permeated her madness, the rabbit was always there. It was a quiet witness to the abuse and misery.

Alice blinked the ceiling of the room suddenly coming into view. She looked about realizing her arms were empty. She sat up in a second, looking around frantically. Where was her rabbit? She began breathing heavily as her panic spread. She leapt out of her bed and tore the bland room apart. Flipping furniture and throwing the covers all over. It was soon apparent that the stuffed toy was no longer in the room. Alice ran to the door, and threw herself against it and it fell open.

Alice hit the tile floor hard. Her teeth clacked together and hit her head on the floor. She jumped up in the next second, looking back and forth. The hall stretched in white, unchanging light. The sound of flickering lightbulbs permeated the silence though no lights flickered. Screams and laughter of the mad interrupted the quiet and there was no sign of where the rabbit had gone. Alice walked out into the hall, her room door creaking shut behind her. The hall stretched in uniformity, white doors sitting in perfect unison every few feet from each other.

Alice walked carefully down the center of the hall, there was nothing different. Alice couldn't shake the feeling something was very wrong. She skirted around a door, that looked just the same as the rest but Alice felt it was dark. Her morbid curiosity got the best of her and she walked to the door's small window. It was too high for her and she had to stand on her tiptoes and pull herself up to the small glass. She saw a room almost equal to her own but empty.

With a horrid screech, a child's distorted and bloody face flew into sight. She jumped and repelled herself to the floor. She hit the floor and the wind was knocked clean out of her. She gasped violently, eyes shut tight. She held her ribs as she seized on the floor. When she finally got the air back into her lungs she was able to look back to the face. It was a child's face, but covered in blood and filled with holes. Eyes bruised and blackened from the terrible treatments that the hospital would administer.

Alice forced herself to look away and back to the hallway. Every door had a window and every one looked more and more sinister. Alice stood up, shaking violently, she was terrified to continue. She swallowed thickly, she had to find her rabbit. Alice continued walking holding herself and shaking. Not daring to look at any of the windows, but the fresh terror of the idea something would sprint from any of the rooms and overcome her. Alice had broken out in a sweat, and tears began leaking lazily from her eyes. The screams and moans from all the rooms made her jump and shake more. Yet she pressed on.

"Rabbit?" She weakly called out. Voice shaky, barely coming out in a raspy whisper. "Rabbit!" She called louder and stronger. Gathering her courage, what little of it she still had.

"Alice?" A hallowed and seemingly disembodied voice called back. It sounded almost familiar however Alice couldn't exactly place it.

"Hello?" Alice called back, hoping it was a nurse or a doctor. Like the nice nurse who liked to speak sweetly to her. "Nurse?"

"Oh Alice…."

Alice stopped moving, an end to the hall in sight. Alice was getting too warm. Practically swimming in sweat as the hall became an inferno. Alice shook in a sob, feeling sick as she stiffly continued on. The end of the hall was a set of double doors. A large sign over the door, when Alice got closer she was able to read it.

 _Mortuary_

Alice's chest felt empty. Her throat felt like it was closing up. She put her hand on the large white door, her strength failing her. She meekly pushed on the door, but with no strength she couldn't budge it. Alice gave another weak sob and pushed all her weight on it and it slowly opened. Alice slid into the room as the door was heavy. The door closed and Alice was left in darkness. She pushed herself against the door but there was no light anymore. Nothing.

Slowly, a small orange light glowed in the far distance. Alice couldn't open the door behind her, as if it was locked. Perhaps only able to be opened from one side. Alice turned back to the small growing light and began walking towards it with little other choice. As the light grew Alice began to hear the snapping and crackling of fire. It made her shake harder than she already was. The orange glow leaked from the small ball in the distance to a full wall of yellows, reds, and oranges. Alice shuffled along, barely moving her feet. Looking down at the sliding motions she made. The cold and smooth concrete roughly passing beneath her feet and chilling her through to the bones. Like she'd been doused with cold water on an ever colder day. Goosebumps prickled along her skin as a cold, empty wave overcame her. Inner organs seemingly falling into a deep dark ocean inside her body.

Fire shadows danced along the unending dark walls. Alice was well aware of what she was getting herself into, knew exactly what lay ahead of her. She couldn't look away, couldn't deter. As if possessed, she moved slowly toward the dancing lights. She was able to make out shadows among the lights. The closer she got, the more detailed the shadows became. Alice recognized the tall, burly figure of her father first. The broad shoulders of her father that once had been so comforting seemed much more intimidating now. Her mother was the second figure she recognized. Not quite the smallest but very close to the size of the third figure. Her mother was a gentle soul but now seemed very disappointed in her. The last figure was Lizzie. Alice couldn't place the reasoning but she felt a very acute fear with the appearance of her sister.

Why did this feeling of dread come over her? She had never been so afraid of her family before. It seemed so very insane. Perhaps, she was insane. Alice finally tore her gaze from the looming shadows. Looking to her feet. She had stopped moving and the shaking had stopped. Now a slow moment had brought a strange wave of calm over her. Perhaps she was giving into her illness. Or her wounds. Whichever. Did it matter at this point? It was this revelation that gave her a moment of comfort. Finally, finally.

Alice gave a small smile and a sigh of relief. She began the walk toward her family, but her family seemed to get farther and farther away. Alice noticed this and began running for them. Never getting closer. Alice began crying and screaming for her family. Screaming their names and for them to come back. Instead the darkness flowed in and the small light flickering in the distance before going out completely. Alice screamed to the darkness, unconsolable. Then shooting up in her bed screaming to the echoing walls.

"Alice!" An ever so familiar voice scoffed. Alice stopped her screaming and looked at her ever familiar white rabbit, staring at her.

"Rabbit?" Alice asked innocently. Eyes filled with tears, sniffling and crying. "Rabbit."

"Oh Alice…" Rabbit Sighed. "See how far you've fallen." The rabbit sighed and ran off stopping at the vanity. Alice wiped her eyes angrily and got out of her bed to follow. The Rabbit hopped up onto a desk and through a large book. Alice followed and picked up the book. It had no words but there were drawings. Pictures on one side of her rabbit and on the other side was a picture of the rabbit in a waistcoat the way he was in Wonderland, She hesitated, wondering where her rabbit was going to lead her this time. The last place she'd been led was less than pleasant. She turned to the page with her picture on it.

On the one side was an exact copy of her, as she was. Sickly, pale and ill. However one the other side, a tall dark and beautiful figment of her imagination. Alice's heart trembled in a small way knowing this wonderful creature was her. She and her, one and the same. Alice closed her eyes and held the pictures close to her and in the next moment it sort of felt like she was free floating. She opened her eyes in panic when something brushed past her hair. She was falling. The book floated away from her and Alice noticed her hair, long and flowing behind her. Looking down her dark dress flowing around her. She smiled, Wonderland was calling….


End file.
